CRUISE – Sea, Security, and Sale Day

2 May

Just like yesterday my daily safety training does not actually happen. Maybe I missed some announcement, but there are three other crew members with me in the room, so I am certainly not the only one. As before I just wait out my thirty minutes, catching up on some of the much needed sleep. Every day I get to bed around 2 A.M., and I have to be back up by 8:30, or not get any breakfast. I don’t think I can do this long-term, especially since I have great trouble sleeping during the day. Oddly enough I can doze and nap very effectively whenever I sit in this training room. Maybe that’s a result of my first sleepy encounters with the incompetent Italian safety officer. I will try to come here more often; if only to quietly read a book, or nap off in my spare time. Man, I wish the chairs were more comfortable.

ABC RypMeOff - crew cabin

My shared cabin aboard the ABC RypMeOff

Back in my cabin I am granted approximately ten minutes of rest before a security lad knocks on the door, and loudly announces a room inspection. The immediate outlook actually excites me. Maybe this unannounced visit will spur my cabin mate Pancho to a tidier life, and reinforce the idea of not smoking in our bathroom. He might even receive a warning, for his pile of empty cigarette packs in the bathroom, next to the toilet bowl that likely still contains a rim of ash, a horrendous smell, and the butt of his last cigarette. Sadly, Pancho is called off his duty and back to the cabin before the inspector is allowed to make his round. Thus, he manages to flush the toilet before anyone sees anything.

So the security pal searches and scrutinizes, and once a minute morns the impossibility to perform a proper inspection with all the garbage lying around. It is quite entertaining to see him scramble through the disorganised dump that is our shared cabin, and exclaim his dismay about its troublesome appearance. He surely finds plenty of issues with the state of affairs, but they are all Pancho’s problems, so I can’t be bothered to comment. Without trouble he locates the empty cigarette boxes and beer bottles in the bathroom, and explains, once more, that neither alcohol nor nicotine are allowed to be consumed in the cabin.

That is pretty much it, though. The visit does not result in a warning (a collection of three of those leads to your termination of contract), or any other official announcement of his dismay. Apparently the blatant violation of policies regarding drug use and tidiness do not suffice as evidence of ignorance.

My shared non-smoking toilet aboard the cruise ship

The toilet in our shared smoking parlour (bathroom) usually smelled the way it looked.

Security Sam finds two items of concern, though. Pancho owns a set of very small plastic bags, and my own luggage contains a small stack of nitrile gloves. For the schooled mind of the cruise-trained inspector those items can only be utilised in one business – yes, we have ourselves a secret drug lab! Luckily we have been clever enough to hide it from investigating eyes, so even a thorough search of our private cubicle does not yield any traces of methamphetamines or other illegal substances. I’m not certain how we managed to hide our diabolic business for all these days, or how we acquire a steady stream of costumers among our weekly rotating line of passengers. But at least I finally can make use of that diabolic laugh that I have been practicing for these past years.

Oh, and it is the very last day of the cruise. Everybody in the department is in the shop, selling photos and illegal substances. Everyone but the two freshlings. Both of us stand alone and forgotten in our studios, void of any hint of photo-willing passengers. That ain’t surprising, considering that tomorrow the vast majority of passengers will leave the ship before we can even pin the new portraits to the wall! But the photographers shall roam where the manager demands it. And thus, we roam, and suffer our boredom in silence.

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