Tag Archives: men

Stop advertising your sex, unless you want to

2 Sep

A friend of mine recently posted the story of a woman who thinks that ladies should not be forced to wear bras. I agree. Very specific items of clothing should only be stipulated in very specific environments. Like contour-covering tops in a school, or their absence in a topless bar. But although I merely expressed that I found the whole discussion ridiculous, the argument quickly escalated into a discussion regarding the public display of sexuality. Naturally, most commentators chose to misunderstand my thoughts.

Clothes set people apart, and women are way more aware of that than men. Just look around the local mall. Almost all of the younger men wear jeans and t-shirt, and as they age they replace the latter with a chequered shirt. This is what men wear. Most of the time we don’t put much time into choosing our wardrobe, because we simply don’t know any better. We wear jeans and t-shirt, because this attire is nearly always appropriate.

Alyssa - Goemon5 autumn guitar 08

For a man this attire is already very inventive. The occasions on which I wear a tie are very rare indeed.

Women, however, have to make a statement with their choice of clothing. They cannot bear wearing the same outfit as any of the other two thousand ladies at the mall, so they go through great lengths to select very specific items of clothing.  They don’t usually think of it in this way, but they do want to look different. There really is nothing to discuss here. Clothes set people apart, and women are aware of it.

Lack male white pants sexy

Men don’t wear pants like these for reasons of comfort.

Some clothing is functional, like the brightly coloured attire of a fire fighter. Some clothing is unifying, like the uniforms of store clerks. Some clothing is sexually suggestive, like the shiny pants that outline every crevice of the bum.

During mating season the ass of baboons swells up and reddens. This is to inform the other sex that it is time to choose a partner for collaborative efforts of saving the species. During mating season most male song birds are brightly coloured, and perform crazy dances or songs. The lady birds choose their sexual partners based on this display. Male deer wear elaborate displays of antlers, for the same reason.

This is what the biologist calls a sexual display. The display sets the individual apart from all other animals, and signals that this might be the right mate. “You like my grand display of antlers? Then come over here for some sweet loving, chiqua-deer!”

Primates do not have antlers, or feathers, so they rely on other visual clues to advertise their sexuality. In baboons it’s the ass. In humans it’s breasts. Big breasts promise a great survival rate for the offspring, so they are favoured over smaller milk-producers. Again, this is a simple biological deduction. You don’t need to be aware of it; it happens anyway. Just the same, women prefer muscular men as partners, because they promise a great degree of protection. These are simple sexual cues that most people react to.

Many women use make-up to accentuate their lips, or cheeks, or eye lashes. These women are “advertising” their lips, cheeks, or eye lashes. They intentionally set these things apart from everything else, and thus advertise them. This is not really subject to debate; there is nothing detestable about wearing make-up. If you want to show a big mouth, or small eyes, or clumsy legs, you can totally do that. This is your choice, and you shall have it. Just be aware that biologists call this “advertising”. It has nothing to do with market goods or sell-outs. You are merely putting a specific part of yourself on display. And there is NOTHING wrong with that.

You cannot detest the word itself, because it has the right of seniority. “Advertisement” is derived from the Latin advertere, meaning “to draw one’s attention towards something”. Contesting the meaning of the word puts you in one line with ignorant push-bullies like Donald Trump or Kellyanne Conway. Words have meanings. You can’t change those meanings just by ignoring them.


When the heirs of Fukushima chose the name of their new mascot they obviously did not care about words and their meanings. Please don’t make that mistake.

When you are wearing a muscle shirt, or a crop top, or ass-hugging pants, you are calling attention to those particular aspects of your body. You are “advertising” them. Many people do this on purpose. A magician, for example, advertises his hands, to distract you from the cards hidden on the table. A cop advertises his arsenal of weapons and utilities, in order to discourage violence. A stripper advertises his massive penis, to create sexual tension among the onlookers, and challenge them for a bigger tip.

None of this is new; none of it is in an ordinary way problematic. Women nowadays call attention to their breasts and booties through tight-fitting clothes, or “scandalously” short pieces of cloth that leave very little to imagination. Most women know fully well that specific items of clothing make them sexually more attractive, and they chose these items for that effect. You don’t wear low-crop pants because your vagina needs the extra air; you wear them because you “look good in them”. In other words, you are calling attention to your reproductive organs and your buttocks; you are advertising your sexuality. Men do the same when they stuff a sock down their pants, or wear shirts that are one size to small for them.

Low crop Rise Lack pants

If you don’t want people to talk about your bum, maybe don’t wear these pants.

Mind the difference between advertising sexual attractiveness, and advertising sex. You can “look good” without promoting coitus. You can look “slutty” without creating personal attraction. These are two very distinctive concepts. It is acceptable to look sexy in public, it is not acceptable to “look for sex”. The latter would either be called sexual predation, or prostitution, depending on which end of the condom you’re on. Neither of which is acceptable outside of the Red Lights District.

Now, I agree that people have a right to dress sexy in public. But this must be open for commentary. If you are carrying your melons to the market, the customers are allowed to debate their shape and size. Likewise, if you have really big breasts, and you conceal them only behind a string bikini, you are making your breasts a discussable subject. Everything that is different, particular, or extraordinary is open for public commentary. This is called “freedom of speech”.

The fruit vendor won’t forbid you to talk about his discoloured melons just because he finds that conversation uncomfortable. If he wouldn’t want people to talk about his melons, he would have covered them up. Similarly, the only way to prevent people from talking about your booty is by hiding it.

If you don’t want people to talk about your body, then don’t advertise it. If you want to discourage comments about your lips, don’t colour them brightly red. You have no reason to feel offended, repressed, or objectified, if you cover your breasts with a latex top that lifts your breasts, and shows your nipples. The owner of a fancy restaurant has any right to refuse you entry in such attire. You chose that garment because it makes you look sexy, so don’t complain when people say you look sexy. You cannot dress in a way that draws looks, and then forbid people to look.


If you dress like this, and claim you don’t want to be looked at, you are being extremely dishonest.

This is not taking away from any debate on sexual predation. Rape is bad; there are no valid excuses. I am only saying that women who utilise particular garments to advertise their sexual traits have no claim to innocence in a verbal argument. In an open society it is always allowed to talk about noteworthy things, be it the size of a sports car, the voice of a busker, or the shape of buttocks. If you put it on display, it is fair game for conversation. If you don’t want it talked about, don’t put it on display.